I Hate Hoshi
by Sarah Gerber
Summary: Malcolm hates Hoshi. R/S, Tu/S


Title: I Hate Hoshi  
Authour: Sarah Gerber  
Email: sarahgerbernx@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG  
Code: R/S Tu/S  
Category: Humor, Romance  
Summary: Malcolm hates Hoshi.  
Date: Sep 12 2002  
Notes: My very first attempt at a fic. Don't laugh!   
  
There are references to various episodes but I couldn't really keep to the exact order of how things happened. Sort of brought forward certain episodes to before "Silent Enemy".  
  
*  
  
Now what have I ever done to deserve this? Quite simply put, this woman annoys the bloody hell out of me. Is it possible that she was put on this ship for the sole purpose of tormenting me? It isn't enough it seems, that I'm stuck with her on the bridge all day, I have the misfortune of being sent on away missions with her on more occasions than anyone else on the ship. Is it any surprise then that I have to be the one burdened with the unpleasant task of coaching her on weapons and self-defence. Captain Jonathan Archer. Does he hate me?  
  
"Lieutenant. Anyone sitting here?"  
  
There she goes again. An ulcer that wouldn't go away. Even her voice grates. Always deliberate. Always taunting. And why does she always do that? That swallowing thing before she speaks. Does she always have to speak with such caution? A little less precision wouldn't kill you, Ensign.   
  
Now Malcolm, that was hitting below the belt.   
  
"Lieutenant, you seem amused."  
  
"It was nothing. Have a seat, Ensign."  
  
She has no idea what I'm sniggering about. Probably thinks it is phase canons. Why not? Like everyone else, she is convinced I'm married to them. I've seen her giggling away at her _work _station on more than a few occasions. She shouldn't be the one talking. In any case, I'm clear.  
  
Maybe I should pretend to be absorbed in this ..... lets see what's on the PADD. Mmm ... hmm ... exhaust conduits. Fascinating.  
  
I hope it is not enchiladas and hot plates again. I for one am still not entirely convinced that the incident was indeed a "misunderstanding", as she had put it so innocently. She did execute some dubious manoeuvres thats for sure. "I have a hot plate in my quarters." The implication was clear. Don't try to tell me otherwise. Not forgetting those suggestive eyebrows. Under the pretense of finding out my favourite food was a deliberate attempt at embarrassing me. She definitely knew what she was doing. She was simply just enjoying being tiresome and pesky as usual. Hoshi Sato, not as innocent and kind as she looks. Well, _maybe _I'm going overboard, but she does seem to get a lot of satisfaction out of making fools of everyone. Was it enough for her I was reduced to a stuttering idiot? No. Was it enough that I had to put up with her sarcasm and sardonic grin all of last week? No. She had to tell the entire crew about the "misunderstanding". I've seen how good she is at getting under the skin of Travis and Commander Tucker, a guilty pleasure I must say, but she's at her best when it comes to me.   
  
She's clearing her throat again. She does that too much. Now, what was she saying? It's probably a good idea to look up from the PADD now. I would hardly enjoy being accused of having ill manners. Those eyes. Too large for my taste. How Commander Tucker could find them attractive is beyond me. Commander Tucker, sometimes ...  
  
"Thanks for agreeing to coach me personally with the phase pistol."  
  
"Don't mention it. In any case, it's my job."  
  
Unblinking, wide eyes. Straightened back. Bad news surely. She's putting down her spoon. This is all too familiar.   
  
Leaning in. Conspiratorial.   
  
"So, who's stinky?"  
  
*  
  
Prying and meddling. That's what she's good at. No doubt she enjoyed herself immensely the last time, looking up my _private _medical records, and generally being a nuisance calling my sister and aunts. I still wonder what exactly they told her. What does she know about me that I wouldn't let her in a million years if I had a choice? What was the captain thinking? Knowing my aunts and sis, they've probably sent a copy of their exchange to everyone in the Reed family. See, that's Hoshi. She was going to prepare a special birthday dinner for Malcolm. Isn't she sweet? I'm not sure if I'm fine with that. She is not completely unattractive in all honesty.  
  
Still, I would hate for them to think I'm in love with her. What a wretched thought. I shudder even just thinking about it.  
  
Why does she has to know everything? She is not my girlfriend, as much as my aunts might like to believe otherwise. She has no right to ask me who's Stinky. I'd like to keep my fantasies to myself, thank you. And that Trip. He'll be the death of me one day. Does he tell Hoshi everything? Hardly surprising if you ask me. Everyone on the ship knows about his little freudian slip. He would just _love _Hoshi to be his wife wouldn't he.  
  
You want to pry into my dreams too? Over my dead body, Ensign Sato.  
  
This is between me, myself and ... T'Pol. In a way.  
  
T'Pol. Those eyes. And the lips. That dream still do linger on. I remember how I felt when she smiled. At me. The enigmatic and elegant T'Pol. So different from Hoshi, so compelling. Her beauty was instantly apparent to me the first time she stepped onto the bridge. Hell, when I finally had the chance to see her without that stuffy suit, Hoshi had to be there to ruin it. I didn't even risk stealing a glance at her bum what with that nosy-parker keeping one eye on me the whole time.   
  
Good lord, did Trip tell his dear wife about my fixation with the subcommander's rear too? I should have known never to get drunk with him. He would certainly have to pay if he did. I could tell Hoshi what he said about her. That would teach him. Something about her enticing eyes. Oh yes. And how her hair _always _smells amazingly good. Is _that _why he always seems just mere inches from having his nose in her hair? I must admit, the commander is truely more of a romantic than me.   
  
That irritating giggle with her palm over her mouth. What is _that _about.   
  
"I'm sorry. Did I say something, Hoshi?"  
  
"No, no. You're right, it's been quite a while. I can't remember dreams too well either."  
  
That's it? No incessant questioning? Now this isn't _my _Hoshi Sato.  
  
Her interest seems to have been hijacked by something more riveting behind me. Wait a minute, what could be more riveting than me? For some unknown reason, I'm having difficulty feeling appreciative of whatever, or _whoever_, is stealing Miss Sato's attention away from me.   
  
You must be going insane, Lieutenant Reed.   
  
Oh, Phlox and Crewman Cutler. Hoshi's still giggling away. No doubt, she would know the full story behind their courtship, and might even claim to have had a hand in bringing them together. Prying and meddlesome. That's my Hoshi.   
  
Oh for god's sake.   
  
Commander Tucker's Hoshi.  
  
*  
  
"I plan on doing something constructive with me time. I've been relying on the universal translator far too much."  
  
There she goes again. Does she even realise what a bore she is? She ruins the mood everytime with her vapid speeches about linguistics.  
  
"Before I left earth, I learned thirty-eight languages, and now ......"  
  
On and on, she drones.  
  
Alright, alright. I'm being mean. She's all rosy-cheeked and beaming, very endearing to be honest. With her hair down, she does remind me of how she had looked when she was disguised as an Akkali. It was the only time I had to concede she was rather gorgeous. Her hair was wavy, so full of body and so long it seemed boundless. She had looked radiant that day.   
  
That scent. Trip is right, her hair does smell .... pleasant.  
  
What on earth.  
  
Malcolm, do not go there. Not _Hoshi_.  
  
*  
  
  



End file.
